Alina flees Ukraine to safety, but struggles with survivor’s guilt
Alina is a Social Worker who worked with young people from SOS Children's Villages Ukraine in the Kyiv region. On the tenth day of the war, Alina was forced to flee her country. Although now safe, Alina, like many Ukrainian refugees, struggles with survivor’s guilt.
This is Alina’s story, told in her own words.
On 24 February, at 5 am, we woke up to explosions. My husband said it was just a dream and there was nothing to be scared of. Then the second explosion came, sirens sounded. We ran to the windows. We realized that something bad was going on, but still couldn’t believe it. We hoped it was just firecrackers somewhere close.
Vova, a young person from the SOS Children’s Village who was staying with us, was in his apartment that night. I immediately called him. He said he was sleeping, tired from his work shift the previous day, and hadn’t heard anything. I told him to come to us right away.
We stayed at home in Brovary for two days. We realized that the situation was getting really scary. With us was my four-year-old nephew, the son of my sister who went to Georgia a few days before the invasion. There were five of us - me, my husband, our twelve-year-old son, Vova and my little nephew.
We taped the windows and prepared a hiding place. We soon realized that this was not very safe, and neither was running to the nearest bomb shelter that wasn’t close to us.
On 26 February, we decided to go to relatives outside the city and stay in their basement. There was no sense of security there either. Their home is not far from the Boryspil airport, so when there were explosions at the airport, we could hear it all.
We didn’t plan to leave. But, because of the explosions and the constant danger, we decided to take my son and nephew to safety. I saw that they were already having nightmares. While sleeping, they would shout, jump as if they would run somewhere. My nephew developed a nervous tic.
My God, it was such chaos. We found out that a train was leaving from Kyiv to western Ukraine. For us it didn’t matter where we would go. The most important thing was to go far away from what was happening. There were already military checkpoints, it was already getting difficult to leave the place where we were. After three days, I, my son, nephew, and my mother’s sister left on a train to Uzhhorod (in western Ukraine, at the border with Slovakia).
It is very difficult to leave Ukraine. First to Uzhhorod, we spent 17 hours on the train standing. My son slept standing, leaning on my shoulder. We wanted to take my nephew to a compartment, but there were 15 people in there. Many people got off the train in Lviv, and then we could sit on our backpacks.
Our plan was to stay and wait in western Ukraine. Then we heard information from Kyiv to leave with children to Europe in case there were any relatives there. The information said that it would be a difficult night. To be honest, I am absolutely confused now with dates. I don’t know what happened when. I just know they were talking about a difficult night coming, and right at that moment we decided to go further. It took us another 24 hours to get to my sister’s home (in Central Europe).
To be honest, emotionally I feel much worse now than at home. Here I am without the man who could calm me down – my husband. I think I would be able to relax a little if he was here. My husband and Vova are now in a different region, but they still sleep in basements. Thinking of this has me fall to pieces.
Here, already on the second day I started to feel a strong emotional burden. I feel guilt. I understand that I am safe here, nobody is shooting here, I don’t need to run anywhere, I am in a warm place, the children and I are cared for. But emotionally I feel much worse here than when I was in Ukraine. I have my husband there, Vova, my relatives.
I am also in constant contact with the young people (from SOS Children’s Villages). I had a call today with some young people. Five of them are in a village in Kyiv region where a church was bombarded. They are all fine. I am in regular contact with them and they say now they are OK.
Sometimes young people call me at night. Night is the time when you think more and start to feel emotionally bad. I hear the fear and anxiety in their voices. I feel that after such calls I need professional support. I am a psychologist, and I understand that I won’t be able to help young people if I don’t have a chance to also take care of my emotions.
I used to do charity work, take things to the needy, help with advice. Now in a foreign country people help my family. It is a very strange feeling to be on the receiving side.
But I, like millions of Ukrainians, believe that I will return home, rebuild my life, and reunite with family.
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Canadians wishing to support SOS Children's Villages emergency response programs are encouraged to Donate to SOS MAYDAY.