When the Abuse Ends
After escaping domestic violence, a mother and daughter have only SOS Children's Villages to turn to.
It was a cold and rainy Sunday in November 2018 when Dasha* and her daughter Anna* became homeless. Her partner and the girl's dad kicked them out the day before Anna's first birthday.
Dasha turned to a friend, "She said we could stay with her, but could only meet us in few hours. She suggested we wait in a mall." Dasha phoned another friend who gave her the contact of Katya, the social worker of the Happy Baby social centre of SOS Children's Villages. "Katya was away for the weekend, but said she'd head right back to meet us. I couldn't believe anyone would do that for us," Dasha said.
You are safe now
By the evening, Dasha and Anna had moved to the Happy Baby social centre in Minsk. There they received food, clothes, hygiene items, and safety. Katya of the Happy Baby social centre says that feeling safe is most important thing at the beginning.
"When a woman leaves an abusive relationship she must be in a surrounding where she feels safe and secure. The stress easily transfers to the children. Here, we give mothers time to relax and feel comfortable because you cannot make reasonable decisions in a state of stress," Katya adds.
Dasha explains that both she and her daughter were shaking when they arrived at the shelter, "Katya said to me 'Relax. You are safe now.' We were both very stressed." The little girl didn't eat or smile for two days, not even the next day on her first birthday. Katya brought a cake and a present assuring Dasha that she really can relax.
Living in denial
Dasha says she sees now how her relationship turned toxic, "We dated for a long time. My parents never liked him, but they are always strict and seldom approve on my friends or relationships. With me, he was always perfect." After a few years, Dasha moved in with her partner and his parents. Soon, she became pregnant and they both looked forward to a life with their child.
Dasha explains that she unconsciously accepted the negative changes in her relationship, "He stopped working after I moved in. He alienated me from my parents and friends. Then came the drinking. I dismissed the first slap on the face as an accident. Then the violence became a daily routine."
Space to relax
Anna is a quiet child who loves to cuddle with her mom. Dasha says that she's a much different, calmer child now. "I realize that it's because I changed. Being here is relaxation for me. I relax psychologically,” Dasha says.
"I am happy that we're no longer with him. It was a situation which destroyed me and my daughter. I thought of leaving many times, but I had no money or place to go. He beat me, often in front of Anna. He crushed me mentally. I worked but had no money because he took everything. He made me feel small and unworthy. That is not who I am and that is not an environment in which I want my daughter to grow up. I understand all that now because here I have space to relax and think," Dasha adds.
Mental hygiene
Dasha has attended the group psychological sessions in the shelter. She says she needs individual psychological counselling as well, "Few months ago I would've said no. It reminded me of what Anna and I lived through. But, I'm in a place now where I realize that individual counselling will help me and Anna."
Katya explains that seeing a psychologist should become more common. "Psychological counselling is basically mental hygiene. We maintain bodily hygiene. We should maintain mental hygiene too."
Much needed help
Had it not been for SOS Children's Villages, Dasha says she'd probably be back to her partner by now.
In the past few weeks, Dasha has started reconnecting with her parents, "They became softer since they've seen the positive changes in me. We're talking about moving in with them in few months."
A kindergarten teacher by profession, Dasha thinks of getting additional qualifications to have more job opportunities. One day, she hopes to live with Anna in their own place. "I can plan like this only thanks to SOS [Children's Villages]. Here was the first and only place where no one judged me and no one pressured me. We truly got the help that we need," Dasha says.
About Happy Baby
The Happy Baby social centre of SOS Children's Villages Belarus offers support to single mothers, assists with the care of abandoned children or children temporarily removed from their birth families, and contributes to the palliative care of children in a local children's medical facility. In 2018 the Happy Baby social centre helped 311 children and 255 parents, out of which 23 children and 15 mothers were accommodated in the shelter.
*Names of mother and child changed
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